Monday, May 22, 2006

Mark's Mighty v Three J's

"Right," said Mark, "All of us together defending solid and scoring as we go."
"Tried to boot it, couldn't even shoot it We was scoring nothing And so we had a bag 'o' chips,

and"Right," said Mark, "Give a shout for Foxy."Up comes Foxy from the substitutes.
After strainin', heavin' and complainin' He was scoring nothing, And so he had a bag 'o' chips.

And Foxy had a think, and he thought we ought to try a bit of real work,
And the things that they call teamwork.
But it did no good, well I never thought it would

"All right," said Mark, "Have to put us boots on, to get them boots on wouldn't take a mo."
Put us boots on, even proper new ones, Should have got us somewhere but no!
So Mark said, "Let's have a sausage roll."And we said, "right-o."

"Right," said Mark, "Have to take their team out, Need more space lets break their bloody legs."
Had bad twinges, braking off their hinges
And it got us nowhere
And so we had a twix or two and

"Right," said Mark, "Have to shoot their keeper, That there keeper is gonna have to go."
Shot their keeper, even shot their sweeper,
We was scoring nothing And so we had a big kebab.

And Foxy had a think, and he said, "Look, Mark, I get a sort of feelin'
Lets get their team all kneelin'
if we kick them in the pants,
then weve got a better chance."

"All right," said Mark, swinging out his best foot, With his best foot gave a mighty kick.
Was he in agro, the other teams got asbo's, landed on the top of his dick.

So Foxy and me had another meal for three And then we went home.

Yet again there was a severe shortfall of players this week. Three a side at football is no good to anyone, not even super fit players like myself.

Football teams:

Mighty Marks:
Mark Wonderfoot Wright
James Footrot Fox
Chris,knee knacker Needham

Three J's :
Jason Salad Dodger Sutton
Big Jessy John
John nobby Hall

Way, Hay, Foxy did not score the first goal, I did (huge round of applause) and as a special bonus, the goal was scored in the oppositions goal!. Granted Foxy scored the second, but it wasn't the first. I said it wasn't the first!!!!!!

This football match was going to be a breeze, with footrot running around like a crazed fitness freak all game, myself showing flare and finesse, and Chris wacking the ball as hard as he can. Well guess what? Footrot faded fast, wounderfoot was wounded, and Needham needn't have bothered. It was harder than we anticipated, but we continued, as the skill and talent never dies.

John nobby Hall was sporting a new fashion accessory, a fetching yellow pot on his arm, apparently from when he slipped on the water last week on the football pitch, but I had heard that he has just received a new batch of spanking monthly, and I think he has just worn his wrist out. He reminded me of Gary Lineker in the world cup some years back, and his aim was not much different, he couldn't score in a brothel with a twenty pound note shoved down his pants.

Salad dodger Sutton wasn't much better, with his usual blatant belly slapping tackles, then claiming he got the ball. I must however report that SD did infact score a woundefully chipped goal, very rare incident this was, rarer than him skipping a meal, surely the ball must have hit a divet, spun up his shin, somehow skimmed past his belly, deflected from of one of his chins, and looped over the goal keeper. Footrot soon put stop to this, with a wickedly sharp shot straight into Salad dodgers gonads. OOOH! the tears, the pain, this hysterical laughter from footrot.

Footrot was on top spooning form this week, with excellent passing with amazing accuracy, directly to the opposition on more than three occasions, and when he wasn't passing the football to them, he brought the ball out from his goal, tried some sort of fancy footrot trickery, stood on the ball, balanced for about half a millisecond, fell flat on his arse and allowed Salad Dodger the simplest of tap ins.

Final score 42 : 36 to the Mighty, one more victory to add to the scoreboard of life.

Oh yes, and I scored a goal right through the legs of Nobby Lineker, what a nutmeg!